A few years ago, when working at the Arts Library at UC Santa Barbara, I found this resting forgotten on one of the public computer terminals. For over three years I’ve kept it pressed within the pages of a book. And now I’ve finally scanned it!
The paper is toilet paper — university toilet paper, it appears — and the words are written on both sides. It is very thin and delicate, and when folded — as it was when I found it — the words from one side bleed over to the next. I submitted it to Found Magazine. I hope they like it. And I hope you like it, too.
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“My dearest Danielle
I don’t know what is bothering
you
IMy dearest Danielle,
you are so precious,
I hope that my silly behavior before
your black studies class did not
hurt your concentration. It probably did.
I’m sorry. Danielle, you are so precious
to me. If there is something that I
did, am doing, or just something that is
bothering you please tell me. I understand
that sometimes you just want to wait – that is
very good…I jusI need to learn how to beat peace
patientwhile being atand be a peace.Whenever you want to tell me anything
I will be ready to listen Even if you don’t
know exactly what youarethink and just want
to talk about it, I’ll be listening if you want
to tell me. Danielle, I love you with a
love that I didn’tnotknow exsisted. First of
all, Idowant to do what is right. My next
deepest desire is to love, please, and charish you
above all others. All I want to do is to love
you more and moreand Iandin doing so Ibecome closer and closer to you untill
willIwe are
one.”
Comments
I’m thinking (and hoping) that he probably means something like a symbiotic oneness, not a perverted oneness. And so then couldn’t that be sort of a sweet sentiment? (though a little desperate sounding.) I must admit that I once expressed myself in a similar way. And I thought I was being romantic – I believe I mentioned floating in space, a la the John Varley short story Equinocotical (prolly not the right spelling), alone but not alone, just us together as one, as the entire world, etc. She said, what no way, I like having my own thoughts that I can keep to myself, in fact, move over because I need some space…
until we are one?! creepsville.