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Interworldly Skele-Chess Association

Interworldly Skele-Chess Association

This D&D session was basically just one big battle. But it was on a chessboard, against giant skeletons. The players were pawns, but they had free movement. So, basically, they had to attack diagonally, like pawns. The enemies were basically immobile until threatened, or until they could move to a spot where they could make an attack. Later on, when they started losing, they made more moves to set up action. The skeletons were controlled by an efreeti, named Master Lugoj.

A lot of my inspiration for stories comes from my experiences playing Everquest. I had a friend named Lugoj; the Reckless Efreeti in Solusek A was badass; the Butcherblock Mountains had a giant chessboard with giant skeletons on it, etc.

Here’s the recap:

Title: The Interworldly Skele-Chess Association presents: Blood on the Chessboard, an intimate evening with the grand masters of Faerun

-We picked up mid-fight on the chessboard. Meanwhile, Johanna was making moves to pick the lock on the cage holding Twinkle and Cecil.

-After a move or two, Master Lugoj declared that this game required a captive audience, and some glowy green walls shot up around the board. Even though technically you weren’t audience members…

My description of this part:

“Enough frivolity!” he says. “This game requires a captive audience.” And with that he raises his arms up. A “sssssssssssssewk” is heard and then you see an emerald-colored sheen emerge from the ground, all along the border of the board. It rises up, until the perimeter is completely covered over with this glowing green wall. It’s about 10 feet high, emerald mostly but with yellowish areas, and it’s translucent – you can sort of see through it, but you wouldn’t be able to make out, like, facial expressions through it. It casts an eerie green shadow across the board, and onto the bones of the skeletons. Even the sky above you seems cloudier and more doom-laden than before. Master Lugoj is, of course, outside the wall. But then he pops his head over the top, peering down at you all. You see, through the emerald glass, his feet dangling in the air, about 4 feet off the ground. “Indeed!” he laughs heartily, grinning down at you, “How do you like me now?” Then he rests his elbows on the top, and a serene smile settles on his face. “As you can no doubt see, my powers over this board, and over my dear skeletons, are powerful. I can determine when they are impervious to attacks, and so on and so forth. Yet my powers over you are limited. If I could, I would limit your movements. Alas…” he trails off, his eyes kind of glazing over.

-You guys systematically wailed on the skeletons. The bishop never even got to attack back! In fact, none of the enemies did a great job fighting back… Baldwin charged up to the king and pounded on him. But the king fought back with some neat spells. One knocked Baldwin’s charisma and intelligence to 1. After the king took more damage, his lovely queen came to his aid and healed his wounds.

-Johanna, outside the walls, rolled a natty deuce on his open lock check. Thus, Twinkle and Cecil were freed. But it was no time for pleasantries – Johanna took off to check out the spire behind the board, and Twinkle and Cecil tried to run through the wall. Cecil ended up getting part of his arm stuck in the wall. And then he tried to chew off his arm.

-Lugoj, not worried about Twinkle’s escape since the rest of the group was stuck on the board until the battle was over, allowed Twinkle and Cecil to join the battle. He used his magic to lift them up and over the wall.

-But Master Lugoj got a little agitated at this point, sensing that he was losing the battle. He declared that he would kill them all right then, if it weren’t for the fact that this is a ranked tournament and stepping in to personally slaughter his foes would tarnish his reputation in the Interworldly Skele-Chess Association. He slumped down on the edge of the wall and looked sad. And then his shoe fell off, and he howled to the heavens. He couldn’t jump down there. Zara tried to push Otho to fly over and pick it up, but he wasn’t skilled enough to succeed. So Twinkle walked over and took it. Lugoj whined a bunch about this, because he really wanted his shoe. But Twinkle was steadfast, and did not sympathize with Lugoj’s situation.

My description of that part:

Suddenly you hear a soft wood whistle, and some faint bells. You look up and see Master Lugoj standing atop the wall, his hands on his hips. He is glaring down at you. “If you weren’t such foul, pointless (get it?) jerks, I would crush you right now like bugs. Alas, such action would drop my rankings in the Interworldly Skele-Chess Association.” He pans his eyes across you all. “So know this,” he says, “I never liked any of you anyway. And when I laughed earlier, I wasn’t laughing at your jokes, because your jokes were stupid. I was just laughing straight up AT you.” And with that he crosses his arms across his chest… and then sits down on the edge of the wall. His feet dangle, and suddenly! One of his slippers falls off. “Goddamnit!” He roars. But he makes no movement to drop down and pick it up.

-Despite the queen’s healing, the king was soon vanquished. The death blow railed against him by Baldwin caused his crown to shoot up into the air. Conveniently it flew right in front of Johanna, as she sat atop the spire. She snatched it up. The match was over. Lugoj begged a little more for his shoe, then he slipped down his portal.

-The remaining skels were immobile, so the group slaughtered them all. Their bodies were plundered, and some fine loot was found.

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Founded 2005. Over the years I've posted writing, comics, ringtones, and stuff about maps, bikes, programming, pinball. And I had a robust music blog mostly about '90s hardcore punk (category = music).